If you will ask my kids to describe me in this stage of their life, “Terrific” will be the last word on their mind to use. That is not because they don’t know the word but because I am not terrific( I even know so). Oh, they say,” mummy you are the best” when I allow them watch Disney or Nickelodeon, buy a special thing for them or allow them ride their bikes after school.
I got thinking what my kids think of me the other day when I forgot they had test till the day of the test. I felt so sad but good thing the child did well after all.
The other morning, in a hurry, I forgot to wear my son a sweater and by the time I realised the weather was really cold, we had gone halfway. My heart ached for him but I was relieved when I saw his class windows were shut. “Thank God”, I mouthed. He will be fine after all. I think they might even have a better word for daddy than me because it is daddy that makes bread and egg for them when they ask and I am like ” Can’t you see I am sweeping? Go and tell daddy” or maybe it is one of those Saturday mornings when I want to catch up on sleep. Whichever, daddy always obliges.
Let’s not even talk of the times I don’t finish their medications because I forgot. If I had my way, they won’t ever be sick. Good thing they hardly fall ill. (God knows my weaknesses and keeps the sickness away most times). Time won’t let me tell of those times I yell at them or give instructions at the top of my voice and then turn around and tell them to use their “indoor voice” according to Barney.
Now, they are growing more each day and small small vices are creeping up and I get a headache thinking of how to set them right. So many times, I have prayed the”help me teach them the right way so they won’t depart from it when they grow” bible verse. Days after that, I am overwhelmed and wonder exactly, “which is the right path?”.
Motherhood is so overwhelming. Sometimes, you keep second guessing yourself. You keep making and breaking the rules all by yourself. Remember the “you are not to eat in this sitting room again ” rule you made? It took one tired day of you not repeating the same instruction and pretending like you didn’t see them eating in front of the television to get back to square one. The next time you come home and see breadcrumbs all over the chair and biscuit wrappers on your sitting room floor and you want to break some small heads. It took just one day of being human to lead them to break all rules.
Human? I thought mothers were superwomen. I thought they go into their closets and come out with the superwoman’s flying pants. I think mothers have innate bulldozers that everyone but them knows about. Because the way, the kids and dad expect moms to do wonders is terrifying……
One time, my kids said ” mummy does not fall sick. Its only daddy that falls sick” (no offense meant daddy) . I quickly corrected them and let them know that mummy falls sick too. She just can’t afford to lie down because then, no one will cook, wash plates nor clean house” Funny how if mother eventually gets hospitalized, food comes out and house cleaning is done.
Motherhood is terrifying(that’s one word that keeps coming to my mind) It is a sweet thing to be a mother and nurture kids but it is hard work. More especially, when you read all the books on perfect parenting. There is no shortcut to it too. Having shortcuts will mean rearing morally unacceptable kids. Even as hard as it is, we don’t want that, do we? Many mothers have been there for 50 years and I haven’t even done it for 10 years. Hmmmmmm!!
I can only keep doing my best. Learning from my imperfections and hoping my kids will bear with mummy as she experiments with them. I hope in years to come when they come on Facebook on Mother’s day that one of the words they will describe mummy with is Terrific.
I think of the quotes on Motherhood that I have seen, I love this most because it is me.
“Mothers are all slightly insane”.
J.D Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye”.