I wonder whether I am qualified to talk about projects. I have started some and did not finish. At times, I shame for myself(using Nigerian colloquial English). I almost thought against writing this but on second thoughts, it could be my redemption. I remember a programme that used to air on television in the early 90s. Speak Out was the name. It was an opinion forum for kids. This is me Speaking Out.
I have itchy fingers and an ever-wandering mind. My mind doesn’t stay still for a long time without thinking of what to do. It is a blessing and a curse. Blessing because if I were to sell my thoughts and ideas, I would have been a millionaire. It is like the angels keep dropping thoughts into my head. It is a curse because I don’t wait for the completion or full blossoming of one and jump to another. The other blessing is that I don’t get gloomy for a long time because there is always another option.
If I were to indulge myself, I would have been visiting spiritual houses seeking for deliverance. I have thought of doing that more than once. I heard a pastor preaching on radio that starting a project and not completing it is a demonic attack. I was almost tempted to take down his number and call him. I shook the thought off my head. Mine is not a spiritual problem.
My problem is simple. I have not learnt how to carry out things to the end. I run from circumstances I cannot handle. Instead of confronting an issue, I retreat. I give many reasons for why stuffs did not happen as I planned, will even blame someone or any situation. I get bored with repeating same thing over and over. I love spontaneity. I love adventure but life is not always like that.
I have come to realize that because some thoughts pop into my head doesn’t mean that it has to be executed immediately. Some ideas will have to be tested and tried against all odds. Some ideas will need that I be schooled in a certain school of thought and have substantial knowledge before execution. Some will be allowed to go out as they come in. When a new project comes to my mind, I see too much of the finished project and forget that there will be some “working things out” before the perfect picture. I am not pushing it away but I think a part of my not getting fully involved in the process stems from the kind of childhood I had. My parents are not Bill Gates but I had a sail-through childhood. Things just were there. When I became a young adult, I thought of things and wanted them to be just there too.
It is easier to start up anything than it is to maintain the flow. So many challenges(which is good for growth) will arise. It is what you know that will keep you afloat. I know that sometimes, one will have to be jack of all trade until he becomes master of one.
In as much as I wonder at myself, I didn’t make me the way I am. All the same, I have the ability to change what I don’t like as long as it is in my power to change. So, I started taking stock. The things I’d rather bury and forget about, I dug up. I did it so that I can compare the trend of events and come up with a solution. The good news is that it is working already. I am speaking out, throwing it in my face for all to see( scary though). This quote from Joshua Logan(his advice to young directors) jumped at me and I agree with him.
Just sit out there and have them go through the moves. When you see something you don’t like, change it
I may not have to go through all the moves before I change them. The moves I have made that I don’t like, I am changing. want my kids to be stable and responsible individuals. They have to see me sticking to a pattern. I have projects lined up(smiles) but I am taking them one thought at a time. Starting up a project and finishing it is an art that needs to be mastered.
I have had good projects that I started and finished. Oh, the joy of it! The fulfillment that comes from knowing I was part of a success. Here is another joy I am going to have….the joy of completing this NaBloPoMo writing challenge. It will alter my life in extreme ways.
Now, I can exhale.
NaBloPoMo Writing Prompt: What is the hardest part of a big project: getting the energy to begin, finding the time to work on it, or feeling down that it’s over?