Have you taken notice of the times your thoughts are busy, so busy that you have the feeling that it is only you in the room even when you have your energetic kids running around the house and the sound of music is floating in from the sitting room. I do have those times and it is mostly when my hands are busy too. It doesn’t come to me as a surprise anymore that I get ideas for my life and my writings when I am doing chores. At those times, it is a battle to tear away from the work and get to the pen and paper or the computer. Most times, I don’t follow through on those thoughts because by the time I am done with work, the thoughts that were so beautifully crafted in my head would have disappeared. I have stopped berating myself when I miss those moments. Why won’t I miss the moments?Why can’t those thoughts come at a perfect time, when I have my pen and paper ready and there is light to type down my thoughts? Why will life have to be so complicated? Why can’t things be simple all the way? So many whys and hardly a because to the answer. These things just happen or so it seems. Sometimes, I think the pieces of my life don’t fit together.
When your life’s pieces don’t fit together, your life becomes a constant puzzle. I do know that there are so many people that have their lives fixed together. I envy them a lot and wonder, how do they do it? They seem to have the right friends, perfect and loving family, seldom makes mistakes, have their career on the right part, never on the news for the wrong things, have answers to prayers before they ask, never doubt themselves…..the list goes on. They just seem to have an A+ life, the kind that my people will say that they were created on God’s special rest day(Sunday).
When your life’s pieces don’t fit together, you are always on the move, seeking and searching for the clues. The danger of such times is that you may start idolizing someone that you think their life is better than yours and failing miserably the more. When your live’s pieces don’t fit, you begin to think that somehow, you were created on Saturday (no offense meant for those born on Saturday, it’s my people’s saying too). At that point, you begin to think that every good thing that has happened to you is merely a stroke of luck and when you hear Grace, you assume it is for some certain people. You find yourself working too hard and getting too little for your input.
Sometimes, you want to give up and let go. Now, when I mean give up, I don’t mean committing suicide instead, I mean throwing in the towel and wanting to just lie in bed and binge on food and sweetened drinks. That will mean more trouble because you end up adding more weight and exposing yourself to the risk of becoming diabetic or obese.
When your life’s pieces don’t fit, it is the time you question God and His love for most (I have been there ). Such times, instead of pondering on your uniqueness, you tend to focus on all the wrong moves you have made, the times you have failed and the needs you have been praying for that you haven’t yet got. It doesn’t get any easier both ways.
Being human is being curious, inquisitive, having the knack to question things always. Being human is wanting everything to be understood before we know it is going to work well for and in us. Being human is having to choose between right and wrong but instead desire the wrong because the wrong feels so good. Being human is comparing ourselves to other people in terms of their quality of life that seems to be better than ours. Being human is falling and rising up again and again. Being human is everything good and bad. Being human is loving the right one at the wrong time(love sucks too).
Being human is to open the door of your heart and learn from life. Being human is letting the tears drop as you consider the words of God in Psalm 139: 1-18. I used the version from The Bible In Basic English. Every time I start feeling my life’s pieces don’t fit well, this is one of the bible verses I read and see a ray of hope. I am not a surprise to my maker. He formed me this way, so I will try to trust Him to sort me out. It is hard but do I have another option?
To the chief music-maker. A Psalm. Of David.> O Lord, you have knowledge of me, searching out all my secrets.
2 You have knowledge when I am seated and when I get up, you see my thoughts from far away.
3 You keep watch over my steps and my sleep, and have knowledge of all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue which is not clear to you, O Lord.
5 I am shut in by you on every side, and you have put your hand on me.
6 Such knowledge is a wonder greater than my powers; it is so high that I may not come near it.
7 ¶ Where may I go from your spirit? how may I go in flight from you?
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there: or if I make my bed in the underworld, you are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, and go to the farthest parts of the sea;
10 Even there will I be guided by your hand, and your right hand will keep me.
11 If I say, Only let me be covered by the dark, and the light about me be night;
12 Even the dark is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day: for dark and light are the same to you.
13 My flesh was made by you, and my parts joined together in my mother’s body.
14 I will give you praise, for I am strangely and delicately formed; your works are great wonders, and of this my soul is fully conscious.
15 My frame was not unseen by you when I was made secretly, and strangely formed in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book all my days were recorded, even those which were purposed before they had come into being.
17 ¶ How dear are your thoughts to me, O God! how great is the number of them!
18 If I made up their number, it would be more than the grains of sand; when I am awake, I am still with you.