People always say men are like babies. Give them what they need and you have got them in your hands. However, we all wish we can be available to give them as much as they need but hey, life doesn’t always work like that. Why is sex always a major problem between the man and wife? It can be agreed that there are exceptions . There are men and women that are sexually active such that they don’t need to have the perfect timing nor place to satisfy each other. How so many men wish it will always be so for them.
Haven’t you wondered why a night of, “no dear, it cant happen tonight” can get your man cranky even after straight days of having sex? Solomon said that there is nothing new under the sky. So, yours truly went further and found out that a work done by Dr Archibald Hart concluded that the man’s sexual power and the need to perform sexually is a fundamental emotional need. They are sensitive to sexual rejection just as people are sensitive to carbs and sugar withdrawal. When a man hears “not tonight”, his mind interprets it as “she is not interested in you”. This may be part of the reason sexual promiscuity and prostitution is on the increase. The man tells himself, “if she doesn’t need me, let me find someone else who does” and then he goes to find another that won’t say no to him simply because she is doing her business.
A man’s sexuality is a central part of who he is. It has a fundamental impact on his emotional, marital and spiritual well being. His ability to sexually arouse and please his wife is in connection to his confidence as a man. A man that is sexually satisfied always unconsciously transfers the ripples to practically every other area of his life. This doesn’t mean that there are no exceptions. Dr Catherine Hakim in her study found out that the male sexual desire is manifested at least twice as often as the the female desire. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the man gets frustrated that the woman doesn’t want sex while the woman is frustrated that the man always want sex. Sorry lady but that is simply the way he is wired. He is wired to crave for sex as a child craves for sugar. It is his “IT FACTOR”.
What about the woman? Where does she fit in all of this? You see, long before now, women were regarded as the a door mat (and still are in most places). She was only a recipient without anyone else caring to know what makes her different. Thank God for education and knowledge that have empowered women to find out about themselves and the opportunity to teach the men how to handle them for best results. The woman is a sexually active being too . The only difference is that she expresses her sexuality in different ways than the man.
Take a cue from the way a woman expresses love for the baby. She feds, bathes, cuddles, pampers, buys things……think of every physical and affectionate way she expresses love for her baby and you will understand the way a woman is wired to express love. It is easier for a woman to buy gifts, wash a man’s clothes, fed him well than meet sexual needs whereas , it is difficult for a man to express his love through other means than having sex. Does that make her rigid in bed? No. Compare the woman and the man to a deer and a camel. A deer pants for water always and has to have water to be satisfied through every step , whereas, the woman is like a camel that is capable of walking through the the desert for months at a time without a water break. God na baba for creation!
Why do men bond easily and faster after sex? Why do women feel the need for emotional intimacy? This is the point where we welcome Oxytocin. The warm feelings of connection, trust and bonding that we associate with good relationships are also impacted by the brain chemistry called Oxytocin. It is also called “the cuddle hormone”. This is the chemistry that causes people to feel bonded to each other and experience relationships as emotionally satisfying and positive. The presence of the estrogen in a woman increases the effect of Oxytocin in her. Oxytocin is that which brings on the onset of labour, it is that which causes her to breastfed her baby, wake in the night when she hears him cry, feel the tingling in her nipples when the baby needs her. Every maternal instinct, the expressive act and her desire to touch and be touched is as a result of the Oxytocin. You can understand why she needs stimulation before she is aroused to satisfy her man in bed.
Hear this… the man is biologically wired to bond after sex. Oxytocin increases in the man right after orgasm and that is when he begins to feel emotionally connected to the woman. Now, you can understand why he wants to hold you and sleep off in your arms right after sex even when he knows you have to get up to prepare for your night shift at work. Hear this again….The man is sexually dominated.
Is this article a plus for the men only? Not at all. If you have ever been in a circle where women discuss sex, especially the married ones, the issue of my husband always wants sex comes up every five minutes or so. It is a every partner’s desire to please the other but we have to discover how we are wired and then learn how to reach a compromise. Yes, it is a compromise. The woman cannot be readily available for sex all the time as the man wants it and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or that she is getting it elsewhere. The man wanting sex always doesn’t mean he is a dog . Can we stop calling them dogs after this? Thank you.
We know that some women purposely withhold sex from their husband and that is being manipulative. The woman has a powerful place in a man’s life through sexuality. This is one of the reason the “Other woman ” is always there. She knows and takes care of his sexual desires more than the wife at home. Embracing a man’s sexuality is the most powerful way to build intimacy ( this may not always be true but at least it works 70-30). For a woman, sex is a selfless act of benevolence to the man. According to Debi Pearl In her book, “Created to be His Helpmeet”, she advises that women will begin to enjoy sex as they minister to the man. She refers to a sexual act from the woman as ministration. She went further to say the hormones respond to stimuli and for the woman whose heart and mind are focused on pleasing her man will have her hormones ready to be awakened to satisfy her husband’s desire ( see big shoes for the woman to fill).
It is so easy to say but not easy to do. There are women that have never said “no” to their husbands in years of marriage. Kudos to them. And then there are those that battle with their mind and body as to when and why…..we will win the battle. There are distractions, good distractions that battle for space, time and energy in the woman’s head. When she is at her best, she gives the man every sexual satisfaction. Isn’t it now obvious that it is the man that will have to make those conditions favorable for the woman such that he will hardly or almost never hear “NO” from her when he touches her. The ball is in the man’s court and here , I rest my case. I will like to know your thoughts.
DEBI PEARL “Created To Be His Helpmeet”.
ESTHER PEREL, New York City Psychotherapist.
DT CARTHERINE LAUMANN, http://www.webmd.com